One morning at the small gym where I do my exercise “torture” there were a couple new faces on the treadmill next to me. They came in and didn’t say a word. I debated about whether to say anything; maybe they’re happy in their silence? I decided to say good morning. They each smiled and replied back with a good morning too and I felt better that we had that small connection. It doesn’t feel like much, but when […]
“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.” – Sally Field Sometimes, in my preparations to give a speech, I catch myself in a spiral of concerns about whether the audience will like my points or if what I’m saying will resonate at all or if the information I share will be relevant enough for them and on and on. In the best of times, I catch the spiral before it goes too […]
“What, this is it?” she said with a look of confusion on her face as she stared at the five small “Thai shrimp” dumplings on her plate. “That is all you get for eleven dollars?” She was laughing with dismay as she went on to explain, “At home it would have been a big bowl with bigger dumplings and this is so little, that is a lot of money per dumpling and if I had known then I never […]
In 2008, a colleague announced that he was taking the voluntary severance and leaving. I was surprised, the volunteer severance was no better than the lay off severance and he was too young to retire. I asked him, “Was it a difficult decision?” I can still see the big smile that lit up his face, “No, not at all, in fact I’ve been planning this since the layoffs last year and I was afraid they weren’t going to offer […]
In 1987, I was at my desk at Motorola, trying to stay focused on the procedure I was reading when I overheard a more experienced colleague say, “He really read him the riot act….” Immediately, I thought, what act is that? I haven’t seen it in the pile of reading that I was assigned? I jumped up and asked, “Where do I get a copy of the riot act?” There was a pause and then a lot of laughter […]
It’s official! Summer is beginning, at least per the calendar. If you live in the Phoenix area then you may agree with me that it has been here for a good month. Take a few seconds to recall one of your favorite summer games or activities from when you were a kid. Can you feel it? Fun, exhilaration, adventure all come up for me. Picture a tall tree that with the lowest branch next to a neighbors back wire […]
In the workshop I give on negotiations, one of the topics I teach about is the power of understanding the other person’s (or other business’s) interests versus their position. What interest is driving them to take the position that they are taking? Many times their interest is driven by a basic human need. Next time you struggle to understand: “Why won’t they agree or even consider my perspective?” One of these needs may be at play: security, economic well […]
“Control is a mirage. The most effective leaders right now – men and women – are those who embrace traits once considered feminine: Empathy. Vulnerability. Humility. Inclusiveness. Generosity. Balance. Patience.” This is how this month’s Inc. magazine cover story started; it got my attention. It made me think about some of my prior bosses. Sure enough, the best ones did embrace these traits. As the author mentions in the article, I would have followed them into a burning building. […]
Do you understand the messages you are sending with your eyes and how they impact your thriving? You may undermine your influence by focusing more on your electronic device or by looking down when you are forming your answer. If you hold direct eye contact you will come across as confident in your position (or whatever you are discussing), while if you pause and shift your gaze downward you will communicate weakness or disinterest. Also, if you continually focus […]
I worked through a stressful situation with a client once that I could empathize with all too well. It was her pile. The pile itself was not the cause of her stress, it was all of her thoughts about the pile. “What is in there that I should have taken care of?” “How am I going to deal with it if I am late on something in that pile?” “What problems are lurking in that pile that I have […]
