In the training on coaching skills that I give for a client, one of the modules is about your inner critic. It can be a voice to get you going or keep you stuck in fear, depending on what it is “saying” and how you’re interpreting it. It is a voice intended to protect us but that also means it keeps us comfortable. Here are some examples:
“Oh no, don’t do that, you’re not strong or smart enough it’s going to make you look like an idiot and you could even die!”
This is appropriate if I’m about to attempt a high dive off a cliff into the water 50 feet below (I saw guys doing this in Aculpulco, Mexico and it was amazing). It keeps me stuck is if this little voice is popping up when I’m stretching my limits by taking on a new speech assignment that is out of my comfort zone or working up the nerve to call someone who I know is upset with me. I know it seems a bit far fetched that I could die from such a thing, but if the fear is big enough then these feelings can be that strong.
“You better not do that, you don’t have enough in savings and you’ll end up living on the streets as a bag lady.”
This makes perfect sense to protect me from that sleazy guy asking me to invest in a “sure thing for easy money” with most of my savings. It keeps me stuck if it is popping up when I am starting my business that is aligned with my expertise and talents and is backed up with emergency savings and a strong business plan.
Often, I talk with clients who have voices similar to these but the choices are not as obvious. Should I listen to the voice that is telling me to stay in this role for a little long because it will give me more stability and experience on my resume or should I listen to that other voice that is telling me to quit today because I am so unhappy?
In the workshop I facilitate based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown, The Daring Way, I share several tools for developing a courage practice to move through the fear and how values light the way. Reminding myself of my values keeps me on the right path. I stop and ask, “Is fear running the show and keeping me comfortable or am I attempting to move in the direction of where I want to go or who I want to be?”
I love this article, “Everything I’ve Done in My Career Has Terrified Me.” Aasif Mandvi explains how his initial response to an opportunity to do a key note speech was plagued by his inner voice saying he wasn’t funny enough or smart enough but he pushed that voice aside and did the work to prepare for the speech. He goes on to share about how success is not about finding happiness; it’s about finding our courageous path,
“My favorite quote is by Mother Teresa. She is believed to have said: “I do what I do, because there is a Hitler inside of me.” I love that quote because it sums up the human condition. It’s about integrating your dark and your light, it’s about doing battle with the thing in yourself that terrifies you the most, or the thing that you hate about yourself. So the only thing I can say about success is that perhaps we need to stop looking for happiness, money, fame, love, status and recognition and instead go find “the Hitler” inside of ourselves and spend the rest of our lives trying to wrestle him to the ground.”
What do you want to do but feel stuck? Notice if that inner critic is trying to keep you safe or comfortably stuck. Start a list of all the fears that are stopping you: get them out into the light where they will have less power. When they’re kept hidden down in the dark they keep you stuck and not following your internalGPS.
When I started telling my prior coworkers that I was leaving my good corporate job to start my own business I thought they would say that I was crazy (as some of the voices were saying in my head) but instead they were consistently in awe of my courage and many expressed that they wished they were brave enough to follow that path. Thankfully, with the help of my coach training and a good coach, I was able to focus on my internal supportive voices that kept me following my internalGPS even though I was terrified the whole time.