In order to thrive, relationships are key and in both personal and business relationships, empathy is the skill you cannot be without. In my prior post from last October, “The Most Impactful Skill for Negotiating Agreement” (linked) I wrote about how understanding of the other person’s perspective/position is crucial for influencing the outcome and it is more impactful if this understanding is obtained prior to selling your own position. Adding to this, beyond the negotiating table, if you grow your empathy skills you will grow your leadership and overall interpersonal skills along with better relationships at home. Think about a time when you felt really listened to and understood, when you felt like the other person could relate to you and where you were coming from. These are the people that you go to at work to discuss a problem or call or turn to at home for support when you are struggling. It is not sympathy or just listening well, empathy is showing that you have a good understanding of their challenge and will listen instead of changing the subject. It is not sympathy (although that is sometimes what is needed). The sympathetic person is on a different level, expressing pity versus understanding. It is also not helpful to express a “one-up” example that makes the other person feel that their perspective is not valid. The power of empathy is to validate and understand the other person’s reality. Giving this understanding is not the same as agreement, but it is a way of growing your relationships for more thriving.
“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” – Daniel Goleman
In my coaching, I have found that people are hungry for this skill and too often we have not developed it enough in ourselves to be able to model it well. Consider how you can continue to grow your empathy skills for more thriving this week.