Every day is a gift, some gifts are just best better than others.
As I go into my 50th day in the hospital caring for Walt, I sometimes have to fight off the feeling that it is just one more day of these same walls, the same cafeteria, the doctors doing more tests, the same sad looks on Walt’s face as the guy I love is lost in his struggle of maintaining some level of faith that he will get well. The movie, “Ground Hog Day” with Bill Murray (did that come out in the 90’s?) comes to mind a lot. As I posted a few weeks ago, I am pulling out all my coaching tactics to keep Walt going and me thriving (linked). I balance empathy for his horrible conditions with all of my “you-gotta-keep-going-and-focus-on-the-positives” tricks so that he doesn’t yell at me with frustration. So far, I seem to have the balance right because he keeps playing along with my ideas.
One of the most effective is to name 2 or 3 things that he is grateful for, this is especially effective when fear is showing up (again). Your brain and trillions of cells through-out your body will work to suppress your immune system when you are in fear; this makes sense when you think about how just a few hundred years ago as humans our fears were of lions that may eat us. Versus today, when your fear may be of going through that busy parking lot full of stress-crazed shoppers or fear that your Christmas package may arrive late (gasp) because you put off all that wrapping and packing work!
Another way to keep going is to shift your perspective. I asked him, “If you traded places with me and it was me going through all of this, what would you tell me to help?” You can do this for yourself if you are at your wit’s end; take the perspective of someone else you respect and love being in your shoes: how would you keep them going?
This can be a joyous and love-filled time of the year and it can also be a time of added pressure to have all of the things and love you think you should have during these holidays. Keep focused on the true gifts of your inner spirit and the great memories you have and will make and you can create the gifts that keep on giving for you and those around you.