One morning at the small gym where I do my exercise “torture” there were a couple new faces on the treadmill next to me. They came in and didn’t say a word. I debated about whether to say anything; maybe they’re happy in their silence? I decided to say good morning. They each smiled and replied back with a good morning too and I felt better that we had that small connection. It doesn’t feel like much, but when you can connect with the people around you, even in just a small way, it will add to your thriving.
In my negotiations and influence workshops, I explain that a sense of belonging is one of the basic human needs that may be driving another person’s behavior or position that is motivating them to differ from what you want them to do. You can thrive and be more successful (at work and home) by enhancing your own sense of belonging and/or by creating an environment that encourages sharing and avoids people feeling left out.
Here are five common mistakes people make that can undermine a sense of belonging:
1. Assumptions. You assume they know you care about their opinion or that you want them to participate. Ask them to join you or ask them to voice their opinion if they are being quiet.
2. Stepping on others’ views. Interrupting someone who you disagree with or even when you do agree, can shut down their trust. Building a sense of trust that all opinions and view points are welcome adds to a strong sense of belonging. And this does not mean you need to agree with them; just that you are open to hearing other perspectives.
3. Silence. If it is clear that someone is sharing something difficult, of course take the time to listen, and then acknowledge their willingness to share. Expressing your gratitude for people speaking up builds an environment of inclusion and belonging. You may want to make this even more explicit by sharing examples of how prior suggestions or disagreements were used to create a better solution.
4. Confusion or Lack of an Agenda. If it is a group activity or meeting then share the agenda and any pre-work ahead of time so that everyone is clear on the plans for the meeting and prepared to fully participate.
5. Critical Language. This can shut down a sense of belonging in seconds. Encourage candid conversations that are focused on curious inquiry for better win/win solutions rather than debates that are focused on win/lose outcomes.
How have you thrived and been more successful by cultivating your sense of belonging or by creating an inclusive environment? Please share in a comment.