I screamed and jumped in fear this morning. It was an automatic reaction and a real loud scream of panic! It happened about half way through my routine walk with my dog. A bush took a step toward me! The “bush” turned out to be a javalina and it was way too close! Normally you see or smell (terribly stinky) them from a safe distance but not today. Between my scream and my dog’s barking he ran in the other direction but my heart was beating wildly and I was suddenly running and had lost all the calm of the beginning of my day.
Positive Focus
It was easy to get back on track with a positive focus once we were a safe distance away. Unfortunately, this is not always the case with other things that come into your day and make you want to scream or more likely just worry with a steady drip of fear through the day. I have written (and given speeches) about the power of disputing to separate fact from the story we are putting on it. I was happy to see the same advice in a post by Tony Schwartz (linked) in Harvard Business Review. He calls it “realistic optimism” and defines it as “intentionally telling the most hopeful and empowering story in any given situation, without subverting the facts.” In my situation with the javalina, the facts were that javalina very rarely attack and I was startled but there was no reason to continue to be frightened or let it ruin my day. Consider the facts of the issue that is worrying you or creating fear and look for the positive perspective.
Diverse Connections
Schwartz also has a great point about “building bridges” with people that have a completely different view for stronger connections. Making connections is another key point that I speak and write about; although his take on it is a bit different. Schwartz points out, “…so long as our value depends on devaluing what others believe, or judging the way others live, we’re in a zero sum game that insures defensiveness, conflict and pain.” He tells a story of having a regular lunch date with a good friend who has a completely different world view but also has some shared values that he admires. What a powerful way to build connections and keep open minded for different perspectives. Also, your brain will be much more creative than if you surround yourself with people that only agree with you. If you have to agree with everything about your friends then you are severely limiting your connections (and your life).
How have you avoided screaming or built strong connections with different people? Please share in a comment.
Prior posts on developing a positive focus and strong connections:
Transform Your Ability to Navigate to Success With the Tipping Point of 3 to 1.
Using your internalGPS for Strong Connections
Strong Communities for Success
photo credit: guppicat via Flickr creative commons