What? One of my most popular speeches is called, “Using your internalGPS to Stay Positive & Productive in Difficult Times.” Yet, I strongly believe positive thinking and affirmations are dangerous and can keep you stuck in denial for a long time. It did for me. I was unhappy in my marriage and in my career and kept driving forward with a smile pasted on my face and positive affirmations that I would repeat as a mantra in my head; for years. Yikes!
In my speech, I explain how important it is to FEEL. I lead an exercise that shows how to re-create a positive feeling in your gut that makes you more powerful physically; this is a central foundation in eastern martial arts. You have to get out of all that thinking in your head and and into feeling in your center (or gut).
When I was drowning in the horrible sea of denial, I could not answer the question, “How do you feel?” I had no idea. My feelings were buried under layer upon layer of positive affirmations that were swirling around in my head. I got really good at positive thinking. And it drove me to a very bad place.
Now, years later, I speak about and coach with tools for taking actions to shift your daily habits and improve your quality of life. And I get to work with clients to make big changes that are transformational, like I did. I am thrilled to live in a state of being fully present to my feelings and working through them. Sometimes it is very difficult. Most of the time, it is incredibly satisfying and I enjoy shifting to the positive and learning from every situation, but only after I have recognized the truth in how I feel. And I cringe when I hear positive affirmations.
Jeffery Gitomer has a bit of a cult following in and out of the National Speaker’s Association (NSA), he is a prolific writer and was part of the “Stand Out” theme at the NSA convention that I wrote about in my last post. He advises, “Write something that is disturbing to your audience to get them to take a stand.” Strange as it may sound, I hope that some of you found this post disturbing.
What is your stand on positive thinking and affirmations? Please leave a comment and do it by clicking on the “post comment” link so that we can share the conversation (not just in a reply to me).
photo credit: ssherren via Flickr creative commons
This might be your most important post so far–at least for me. “It will all work out,” was what I’d tell myself. Miserable and optimistic is a killer cocktail.
Thanks Denise. We have a lot in common, unfortunately this horrible experience of the “Miserable Optimist Cocktail” is one of them.