One of the most common challenges that I hear from my clients is about how to give feedback for accountability that will result in a change of behavior. In her book, “Daring Greatly” Dr. Brené Brown explains that both giving and receiving feedback is an act of vulnerability. It is very tempting and easy to “armor up” with protective anger, self-righteousness or threats when giving feedback and unfortunately this rarely results in the desired change in behavior. I know I have done this plenty of times and it didn’t result in the changes I was asking for; instead taking a coach approach that is strength based is a powerful way to give feedback and shift results.
For example, if a person on your team is continually putting people on the defensive with put downs and criticisms and yet they are very intelligent and have great ideas to share then approaching them from their strength may be able to shift their behavior. “Your great ideas and grasp of all the data involved is getting lost in the way that you deliver them with the insults to your colleagues’ intelligence. I know that is not your intent, let’s talk about what you can do differently for better results.” If you’re tempted to criticize and shame them for their behavior, you’re not alone, that is a common challenge but making them ashamed will only exacerbate the problem, not solve it. Sustained behavioral change comes from collaborative strength-based problem solving as part of the feedback process.
Go into the feedback session with a sense of partnership to discover the best solutions and sit on the same side of the desk or table. I love the “Engaged Feedback Checklist” that Brené Brown provides as a free download from her site (linked, scroll down to the “posters” section). She lists eight items that will have you giving powerful feedback that will hold your team accountable while inspiring them to change.
When have you received feedback that put your internalGPS on a better path? Please share in a comment.