In my first “real job” at Motorola, I and a coworker had a project to improve the cumbersome process for materials that were rejected for some reason or other and waiting on disposition from one of the Engineers. It was decades ago but I can still see and hear the strain in this little old man who ran this little room (picture a large walk-in closet with a half gated door with a hunched over little man who liked having control of his space), “Paula, she’s (my colleague) talking about completely changing everything and I just don’t know what to do, what she’s suggesting will be a disaster and I don’t know how to stop it…” I smiled and kindly reassured him that the changes we’re making will be positive. When I talked to her about his worries she replied, “I’m not trying to win a popularity contest.” Unfortunately, she missed the point of how building rapport and having people like you went a long way toward making business process changes possible.
This article from the Wall Street Journal, came across my screen recently, “Why Likability Matters More at Work.” It’s main point is that with our change in technology to more web-based video, it is more challenging to come across as likable. The Coach in the article recommends three things to increase your likability on camera, “1. Making eye contact, 2. smiling naturally, 3. varying your tone of voice to convey warmth and enthusiasm.”
These are also helpful off camera and it’s nice that these are teachable skills. Of course if you don’t build some trust and reputation as an expert who follows through then these things alone may only make you popular. My experience is that if you can build a reputation of competence, authenticity and curiosity about other view points and ideas then you will build a level of likability that can serve you in providing more opportunities for success.
If you are too concerned about your likability, you may end up “hustling for approval” as Dr. Brené Brown puts it, and this will take you in the wrong direction. Are your behaviors in alignment with your values? Or are you seeking approval or validation from that person you want to like you? In my earlier example, I kindly reassured the worried man but did not lead him to believe that we wouldn’t be making any changes or try and gain his approval (he would have been happiest and liked me more with no changes at all).
If you want to learn more about how to bravely step up and out while remaining likable, see my The Daring Way™ page for my next workshop.
Keep your internalGPS on track for more likability by practicing those three steps, continuing to grow your competence, keeping an open and curious mind and checking in with your values.
Photo from Flickr Creative Commons by Divine Harvester