After about an hour of this we had a break.  I thought we must be close to the end. “How much longer?” “An hour and a half” came the answer. My face must have said it all because our Balinese guide said that I did not have to continue. It only took me a few seconds to decide to quit. I was in the comforts of the van in minutes. My friend was thrilled to quit with me although she expressed that she felt a bit bad about leaving our other friend riding with out us (but she did have the family of four tourists from Holland with her; they were all bike owners).  I didn’t feel an ounce of remorse, only relief.

Why So Easy to Quit?

It was a “no brainer” for me to quit because it was obvious that I was not accomplishing my goal- Have fun and see the beautiful mountainous area of Bali. And it was obvious that sticking it out would only take me further from my goal. Thankfully, my ego or pride did not get in the way and shift my goal to something entirely different – Look good in front of my friends and strangers by showing them that I can finish the entire bike ride.

Recognizing When to Quit Vs. Stick

It takes some practice and a lot of attention to your internalGPS to assure you know when to stick it out versus quitting.  Ask yourself – Is this a difficult time and I need to stick it out in order to keep moving toward my goal? Or is it the wrong goal?

Seth Godin’s, “the dip”, is a wonderful little book all about quitting.  He explains that many people go through a dip and quit just before they are successful, while others are in a Cul-de-Sac and would be wise to quit. He states, “If pride is the only thing keeping you from quitting, if there’s no Dip to get through, you’re likely wasting an enormous amount of time and money defending something that will heal (pride) pretty quickly.” He gives examples of restaurant owners pushing forward long past when they should have closed and someone staying in a career that has become very unattractive and no fun.

If you are struggling then take a few deep breaths and ask, “Am I still on the right path or is my pride leading me along?”  Keep going and don’t quit if you are moving toward your goal but by all means feel that great relief of quitting if your pride is all that is at stake.

Sometimes it is hard to see it yourself; I’ve worked through the confusion about whether to keep going or quit with several of my coaching clients. Talk to a trusted colleague, friend or a coach if you are not sure about which way to go.

These pictures would not exist if I had let my pride keep me from getting in that van. What a loss that would have been!

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Each day there was an offering put in front of the house we stayed in and all of the shops had them too, sometimes they appeared twice a day or more.

The pictures below are just a few from a long procession to a temple for a ceremony (they blocked our traffic for almost 30 minutes).  It was amazing to see all of the different costumes.

My American independence and sense of freedom bristles a bit at the conformity and need to all follow the same religion and rituals.  But, the Balinese are reported to be some of the happiest people on earth and they came across that way consistently in every interaction I had over the couple weeks I was there.  They always had big welcoming smiles, a laid back and content attitude with a strong desire to be of service and help.

Do you have to give up freedom and independence in order to cultivate such strong connections and happiness? The best connections have an authentic and pure motive to support the other person. I think it is possible to cultivate these connections and create a “Balinese” type community but it is not something that comes easily in our independent and transient culture.

On my ride to the airport my young Balinese driver told me, “We can not go on a trip like you have done to come here; we have too many obligations to our village.”  He said it in a matter-of-fact way, it did not sound like he felt any resentment. It is hard to imagine this level of obligation and acceptance and not wonder if it will change over time.  Regardless, you can learn a lot from their strong connections and cultivate your own “village” that will support you and you them for more sustained happiness on your road to success.

What can you share about building strong connections while keeping your sense of independence? Please write a comment.

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Our Balinese River Rafting guide (now turned interpreter) took us to the Healer’s family area of several buildings, surrounded with beautiful tropical plants and at least a dozen birds in cages.  The Healer was sitting on a stone floor porch smoking a cigarette with another man.  Our rafting guide/interpreter said something to him and he went and put on a white sarong (long skirt).

He showed us his little room lined with weird looking jars of things and a large gaudy shrine wall dedicated to the spirits.  It smelled of strong incense and some other sweet odor.  Our rafting guide/interpreter explained that the process was to go in one at a time after we had checked out the room as a group.

Laura was first, after about 20 minutes she came out with a dazed look.  Either she was in shock or in a deep state of peace; on second look it was more like shock. She had messed up hair that was half wet, some grains of rice stuck to the middle of her forehead and in the center of her collar bone.

Jan was next, after five minutes the Healer came running out and went to another building.  We peaked in and saw Jan sitting with our interpreter using tissues to wipe away tears from her eyes that were squeezed shut.  The healer went back in and then came out and leisurely smoked a cigarette. Through the door we could see she was lying on her back; was she meditating and was he taking a smoke break in the middle of her treatment?

While Jan was being “healed”, Laura told us that he had her take off her shirt and bra and took something out of one of those jars and massaged it all over her (not on her breasts but all around them). She had no idea what he was doing and there was no explanation of her illness.  She was thinking that if it went any further she could start screaming since we were right outside the door. Was it coincidence that she was the best endowed of all of us?

Jan came out of the little room walking slowly, squinting with very red eyes and carrying a pack of cigarettes turned like a little table in front of her as if they were an offering to the Spirits.  She explained that he treated her eyes with an herbal concoction but he had not asked if she was wearing contacts.  She had painfully removed them and the only place to set them down was on the cigarette pack. She said she was still in a lot of pain, “it feels as if someone is gouging my eyes out with a pick.” But, he said he was healing her eyes and macular degeneration runs in her family.  Both her Mother and Grandmother were blind at fairly young ages.

Despite all this, I had no hesitation in jumping up for my turn.  He did some chanting, lit incense on the shrine and waved it around a bit then had me sit cross-legged facing the shrine.  He covered me with what looked like a large black and white checked table cloth but felt heavy and rough like a burlap sack you would throw over someone for kidnapping. He left the little room and I sat there trying to keep my mind still; breath in and out, in and out.  “Is he out there having a cigarette? Am I going to have to take off any clothes?” After what seemed like days but was probably five minutes he came back in and had me take three drinks of holy water in my hands and then splash the last handful over my head (my hair was already a mess from the rafting).  Finally I ate a few grains of the holy rice and then he pasted a few to my forehead and the middle of my collar bones.  The young interpreter explained that he found nothing wrong with me and that the cover was a cloak to protect me from any future spirits of bad health and the rice is also to ward off bad spirits.

Genie was the final patient and she was treated to a bit of a message and he cracked her back which she said felt great.  He told her that she “thinks too much” and had stress stored in her shoulders and neck. Coincidentally, the healer from her visit to Bali last year told her the same thing.

It was not until we were all done that Laura heard the interpretation of her ailment.  He said she was treated for her feet.  She looked down and exclaimed, “The large blisters on my toes are completely gone!!  They were there when we walked here and have been a problem on my feet for months!”  She was happy with the outcome but still a little suspicious of the half-naked method.

The complete disappearance of those blisters was a bit eerie for all of us (cue the twilight zone music).  Jan’s eyes are fine and he said the initial pain is normal, only time will tell if she has escaped her relative’s blindness.  Genie is continuing to work on her over thinking. I trusted my gut that it was ok to go in there and was thrilled with my clean bill of health.

Many of the coincidences and assumptions you encounter on your path may be questions to consider or guide posts for where you need to be; pay attention to them, trust your gut and follow your internalGPS!

Have you had any eerie coincidences or unconventional healing on your path?  Please share in a comment.

Note: The names of my colleagues have been changed to protect their innocence; all gave me permission to share their stories.

Unfortunately still no photos from my camera due to technical problems; big thanks to “Jan” for providing these photos.

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Back to the boy’s quote about the plane moving.  It made me smile and think about how your life is always moving but sometimes you don’t realize it until an event happens that jostles you up a bit.  “Holy cow, I just turned fifty (or forty or ‘x’) and I haven’t done x,y, or z yet!” Or you lose someone close to you and realize that none of us get out of this life alive.

If your internalGPS is working well then you don’t need the jostling to periodically stop and ask, “Am I going where I want to go?” or “Am I living the life I want to live?”

Sometimes it is not easy to live the life you are called to live.  I just spent 35.5 hours traveling half way around the globe: 21.5 in the air and 14 in four airports to get from Phoenix to Bali in the south pacific.  It would be much easier to go to the tropical islands of Hawaii but my internalGPS has to go a lot further to be satisfied.  Sometimes this is very frustrating. But, I have learned to give in and follow my internalGPS because it is what is right for me.  Most likely it is completely different from what is right for you. Don’t follow anyone else’s GPS; your internalGPS is yours and yours alone.

Over the next week or so I’ll be writing from Bali.  My posts will be based on something I see or hear that will relate back to using your internalGPS. Hopefully you will enjoy the ride!

Where has your internalGPS taken you that was not necessarily easy?  Please post a comment.

photo credit: Ma1974, By the way, this photo is credited since I used it from the creative commons on Flikr.  I tried for way too long to download a photo from my i-phone of the Singapore airport (where I spent a long 8 hour layover) but finally gave up.  I can not e-mail from my i-phone since the AT&T rates for data and calling internationally are practically criminal. From now on I’ll use my digit camera for photos instead of my i-phone!

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Skype

This is by far the internet technology I am most grateful for today; I can not say enough positive things about the skype application.  It has allowed me to have video calls for free around the globe.   I have had consistently good connections almost every day.  The number of dropped calls or bad connections has been very minimal.  In addition, I have made a few calls to regular phones for only two cents per minute!  My AT&T plan has no service in this area of China and even if it did it would be two dollars per minute.  This is a big expense savings if you do international business and a great option to build stronger business relationships with video calls.  Or if you have friends and/or family then use this great technology to stay connected and watch the kids or grandchildren grow up.  

Internet Radio

I found myself going through withdrawal for my favorite radio station and then I realized that I could easily listen live via my laptop!  I have no TV station reception at all (some of the other faculty report they have CNN); thankfully I have not missed TV and kept up with the headlines via the internet too. 

Heat

Winter arrived earlier than usual this past week.  The snow fall was record-breaking; roads and airports were closed for days.  The temperatures are 30 degrees lower than the normal 50’s and typically there is only light snow in January.  Most of the Chinese in this rural area of China have no heat.  They put on more clothes.  I am thankful for the heat here in the faculty dorm although if I had control of the thermostat (which I do not), I would have it turned up a bit.

photo credit: re-ality

What technology you are most grateful for? Please post a comment.

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Flowing water will find its way over, around or through obstacles that are in its path.  A successful leader is one who has this ability to adapt to finding ways around obstacles and is constantly looking at ways to change in order to be competitive.  “Building the 21^st Century Leader” is an article at Entrepreneur.com about successful leaders and they listed adaptability as one of the most important traits for success:

“…leaders need to design their whole company for adaptability, not just possess the trait themselves. Build an environment where workers are encouraged to express their points of view and to raise tough issues before they become crises. Have an organizationwide emphasis on learning from mistakes.”

The article gives an example of the CEO of a global bank who selects the biggest mistake made for the year and then sends that person around the globe to help others learn from it. 

Many of the young women in this leadership program are afraid to speak in front of the class because they may make a mistake in their English.  Consider this challenge in a second language when public speaking in your first language is such a big fear.  I have emphasized multiple times that if they are not standing up and making mistakes then they are not fully participating and learning.  Are you playing all out or on the sidelines afraid of making a mistake?

Drinking Water in China

It is a common site to see “scooter trucks” (my term) hauling large bottles of drinking water.  Water from the faucet is not safe to drink; all of the drinking water is delivered to campus in these large plastic bottles.  Several of the students in the Academy have dreams of providing access to safe drinking water in their villages that currently have only contaminated water.

Please leave a comment about learning from your mistakes or when you were strong like water and ran over your obstacles!

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Many products here have odd translations to English.  This brand of toilet paper states, “Mind Act Upon Mind”.  One dish on a menu was listed as, “Angry Customer Order”.   That menu had a lot of very odd and hilarious dishes; there are many more that are difficult to remember because they are so illogical.

Think of a time when you communicated one thing and ended up with something completely different.  In China, it is good to laugh when this happens because it happens often.   “We have a class in this same room about resumes!” The student had a worried look and asked frantically, “What we should do?”  We were in a large lecture hall that was filling up with students, three times as many as we had the week before.  Once a week, we open up the leadership classes that I am facilitating to all of the students at the University, but we had been having low attendance the first three weeks of the program.   Today it appeared that we had many more attendees due to this “resume writing” class.  I was in the process of setting up my computer for showing my PowerPoint (and having technical problems) so I asked the student to call someone to ask about the room conflict.  I found out later that there was a new campaign to communicate to the students about the leadership program and in the translation it came across as a “resume writing” class.  

Later, at the end of the lecture, I asked just the members of the Women’s Academy to stand so that we could present a few of them with awards for their participation and leadership.  Many students stood up, including young men.  Mutliple times I stated, “Just the Academy students stand, please” but they did not move.  We asked one of the students to help us translate.  She spoke in Chinese and within seconds most of the students started filing out of the room.  “No, no, that is not what we said!”  I started laughing because it was too late to change the flow of the crowd.

On Friday this week, we went on a field trip to a local Elderly Home with some of the Academy students.  When I first communicated about the trip, after several attempts to explain it, they still could not understand what we were doing.  Finally, after a lot of discussion that was still met with confused looks on their faces, I realized that the word field was throwing them off.  Once the name was changed to “Group trip” they were able to understand what I was talking about.  It was a great trip; the students enjoyed talking to the elderly and the elderly were thrilled to talk with them and some of them expressed that I was the first “Westerner” they had ever met.  They treated me like a movie star.

Stardom

Henan Provence (where I am) is one of the most populated and poor in China.  Because it is in central China (One and a half hours by plane from Beijing or Shanghai), there are not many western tourists here.   Blond hair and/or blue eyes are especially a novelty in this central part of China; people with this coloring are stared at and often asked for their pictures.  Even with my darker hair and brown eyes many of the people in the stores ask to have their pictures taken with me and people stare at me a lot.   I have a new level of empathy for the famous; it was interesting at first but then began to feel stifling and intrusive.   It will be nice to blend in again when I go home.

Please post a comment about a time when you felt that your communication was “lost in translation” even when every one was speaking in English!

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How do you balance a lot of pressure and feeling tired from too much studying and work?

-Focus on staying present.  Focusing on the current task and shutting off that voice in your head that is worrying about the next task will relieve a lot of the pressure we put on ourselves and enable you to be more productive.

-Meditation or even just sitting quietly for a few minutes and closing your eyes for rest while taking in some deep breaths will renew your energy.

– It seems counterintuitive, if you are so busy that you have no extra time, but incorporating some type of exercise or play into your daily habits will enable you to be more productive when you are working.  Basketball is very popular here in China.

– The little things that zap our time or energy add up.  Keep organized by having a specific place for all of your things (keys, pens, bills, files, etc…) and then put your things in their “home spot” so that you never waste time looking for them.   This also works for your laptop bag or purse; always put things in the same place.

– Set boundaries with your friends and family about how much time you have for them and then stick to them.

How can I get out of a bad mood quickly?

– Practicing gratitude works best for me.  Think about the things that you are grateful for and what is going well to shift into a positive mood.

– Listen to your favorite up-beat music for a lift in your spirits.

– It is important to recognize that some emotions of sadness or upset need to be expressed and not denied.  But if they are continuing or there are not good reasons for these emotions then use gratitude or music to banish them.

 Also, some interesting notes from this week:

– Dinner for two at the local restaurant included a lot of food and two large beers, it only cost $3.60.

– Many of the Chinese people are tall.

– American Express travelers checks are not accepted everywhere.  The local bank did not recognize my check.  Plan to use your ATM card to get Chinese Yuan if you travel to China. 

Do you find it surprising that we have these challenges in common with these young women that are on the other side of the globe?  Please share your comments!

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“Should I move to the U.S. or Canada?”

After 24 hours of flying and airports I arrived in Beijing at 11pm although it was 8am my time (see last week’s post for the back story on my China trip).  I sailed through the “health control” area where they collected my temperature via a machine (like an airport security x-ray machine) and I turned in my “health form” with contact and location information in case they need to chase me down and quarantine me later.  After several anxious minutes my suitcase popped out of the luggage carousel (much quicker than Phoenix International Airport) and I entered the main terminal.  I had worked with a Chinese travel agent who arranged for a hotel close to the airport and he had assured me via e-mail that a person would be there to drive me to the hotel.  The young Chinese women in a hotel uniform had my name on a piece of paper and waved me to follow her; we walked for what seemed like an extremely long time down a wide linoleum terminal that was fairly quiet due to the late hour.  Finally, she motioned with her hand for me to stay (much like you would with your dog but in a nice way) while she went to the hotel courtesy counter and then rounded up a sleepy white man and a young Asian women who was carrying a happy chubby baby boy.  The man had a large luggage cart piled with boxes and luggage.  We were all led outside to a square tunnel area, all dark gray cement, no air visible, and piled into the hotel shuttle van.  As we pulled away from the curb, the young man asked me, “Do you speak English; where are you from?”  I did not place his accent right away but clearly he was not American as I had assumed.  Once he heard I was from the U.S. he explained that he lived in Russia and was considering moving to either the U.S. or Canada.  He asked which one I would recommend.  There was not a hint of sarcasm in his russian voice.  I was tired and in no shape to have a real discussion with this curious young man. I smiled and told him that Canada was too cold for me; as I said it I realized that Canada was probably warm for him so I added that I thought Canada would be more like what he was used to than where I was from.  He smiled and told me a little about his wife at home and his friends who had moved to Canada and felt like they fit into that culture.  Clearly he had no attachment to the Asian women and baby.  I had seen them as a happy family going to visit her relatives.   As we left the shuttle and gathered our luggage he asked what I thought of the U.S. economy.  Again, he had no hint of sarcasm, just authentic curiosity.  “It is not good, but seems to be stabilizing,” my expert opinion.  This was all in the space of less than ten minutes.  At the hotel lobby he wished me safe travels and I did the same for him and pictured him happily ever after in Canada.  Cue The Twilight Zone music.

Time Warp

The SIAS campus is beautiful with colorful manicured flowers and landscaping that is reminiscent of Disneyland.  There are large gorgeous modern buildings that are a combination of western and eastern architecture and large clean walkways between the buildings.  These pictures are just a small portion of the large campus; it is like a small village with many dorms and multiple areas for shopping along with all of the typical University campus buildings.  But, then, I walk into the classroom that is designated for the World Academy for the Future of Women.  There is a strong smell of dust that is visible all over the drab gray cement floor and green plastic chairs that are bolted down in rows.  The paint is chipped and thin on the wooden platform at the front of the room with a beat-up brown wooden podium that looks like it is from the 1950’s.  There is a green chalk board and nothing else.  Sounds echo loudly off the cement walls that are in desperate need of more paint.  It is hard to explain how I feel; think of when you wake up from a strange dream and you can’t figure out how the starkly different scenes of your dream go together.  My disoriented feelings are interrupted by the young Chinese women who use their tissues to wipe off their chairs and desk area with out a single complaint.  Their overwhelming enthusiasm and eagerness to learn quickly dispels all my concerns about the classroom space; their smiles and excited voices light up the room. Cue that music again.

Stay tuned for more next week.  There is no access to Facebook, Utube, nor Twitter but LinkedIn and Flickr (and many other sites) are alive and well; go figure.  Please post a comment and let me know what you think and/or share your similar experiences of being in the “zone.”

photocredit: RoadSidePictures

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